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Can We Talk?





Proverbs writes, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Ang dami kong naririnig na mga compIain sa iba’t ibang tao, mapalalaki or babae man na di daw sila makacommunicate sa isa’t isa. Communication is only a conversation. Nakausap ko kamakailan lamang ang isang ama sa chat, dati kong kasamahan sa trabaho.

“Don’t follow me bro, lumaki ang mga anak ko na di alam ang mga ugali nila. Iniwan ko din ang asawa ko, wala naman kaming naiipon, kung saan-saan napupunta ang pera. At saka di na nag-aayos, di na maganda kagaya ng dati”

I asked him, nakausap mo na ang misis mo?

“Ayaw ko nang kausapin. Pagod na ako, 15 years na ako dito nagtratrabaho, wala pa ring nangyayari sa buhay namin.”

It is both sad and pathetic. Nasaan na ang mga matatamis na usapan at pangako nung ligawan? Di na ba pwedeng pag-usapan ang mga bagay na ito. Can this be resolved by talking about the problems, disappointments, and desires of a husband, a wife, and their kids?

There are a lot of things that can be resolve through communication, merely talking over things. Napakaimposible na magmahal ng isang taong hindi or ayaw nating kausapin, even the deaf and mute have their own way to communicate. It is impossible to love someone that we don’t spend time. Love is born out of those situations and sustain through that way. Communication and constant reassurance of unfailing love and devotion on both part, as well as working to fulfill those commitments will make a relationship successful.

Temper

There is no problem so big and deep that won’t be solved, and even if it becomes insurmountable, we just place our faith and trust to Him who knows and loves us all. Let the talking be done in a softer voice, in a quiet voice. It shows reverence to the one you talk to, it generates a feeling of love and peace; it invites the spirit of communication. There is nothing so pitiful than someone who will inflict harsh and mean words spoken in anger. There is no way that swear or slur words be spoken to a spouse or a child.

Kamakailan lamang habang naghihintay akong bumukas ang mga tindahan, nakatabi ko ang isang OFW, malakas, matipuno, malaking tao, ngunit nung tumunog ang kanyang mobile phone, katakot-takot na mga salita ang lumabas sa kanyang mga bibig to which I understand asawa niya ang kanyang kausap. Hindi ko matiis ang mga salitang narinig at ako ay lumayo. Nakakaawang nakakalungkot ang mga taong kagaya nila, na malakas at magaling sa maraming bagay, but lose their control over a little thing, minsan halos wala pang kwentang mga bagay. I’ve seen so many of them, and if they are like that in public, what are they at home?

There will always be differences at marriage – ours have some of them. Since the time I’ve been married, I’ve never shouted or said harsh words to my wife, I have never insulted or maligned her. I have never raised my voice to her out of anger or frustration.

Ang violent temper is not good for the body and for the heart, and more importantly in the mind. It creates only feelings of hatred, pain, and rebellion. People who have temper problems have one foot on the grave. They should look for counsel or ask help or advice. They should control their feelings, and discipline themselves, or else this will only cause enmity between the couple, and later marriage break-up. This will also create a feeling of rebellion towards kids.

Ang asawa na laging nagcocomplain, na nakikita lamang ang mga panget na karanasan sa buhay, who feel na hindi sila pinapahalagahan at minamahal need to examine their hearts and minds. If there is something wrong, smile about it, people commit a lot of mistakes, so we should forgive. If wives feel that they are not much appreciated, they must keep themselves attractive.

I asked a friend who raises his voice always if how does he feel or what’s going on when he is mad. He said his mind is like darkened, he feels furious and hot, and things are like mountains ready to be removed. Small problems become so BIG when we shout or talk with a loud voice. Let the talk be quiet and peaceful.

“He [or she] that is slow to anger is better than the mighty” said the Proverbs. Remember that the voice of God is a still small voice. Let us talk in a manner that is polite, pleasing, and quiet. You will be amazed at what it can do to you and your family.

► Read Kenjie's previous articles here.

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